What happens to children when we yell at them - 3 non-obvious consequences

All parents yell at their children at least once in a while. More often than not, they do this not because they are detonating monsters, but because they are tired, exhausted, burned out physically and emotionally - and are no longer able to contain themselves.

In fact, a parent's cry is a manifestation of despair, a confession of one's own pedagogical helplessness, an attempt to quickly achieve the desired result from children.

Yes, crying often manages to solve a momentary problem, but it usually does not affect children's behavior globally.

If you yell at children from time to time, in a fit of despair, anger and fatigue, simply because you broke loose - this is bad, but not fatal. Children usually feel your condition and feel sorry for mom or dad rather than being afraid of them. Another thing is if screaming has become an integral part of your communication with children - you yell at them constantly, daily, for any reason and are no longer able to communicate with them in any other way. In this case, devastating consequences for both your psyche and the psyche of children cannot be avoided. 

The aftermath of a scream

#1 Essentially, screaming teaches children to be afraid of the parent, not aware of the consequences of their actions. Children basically get an idea of ​​what is good and what is bad from their parents. Therefore, if rage and aggression on your part have become a part of everyday life, children begin to think that this is normal. And this negatively affects their behavior.

#2 Children who are yelled at by their parents become aggressive and unrestrained in their language.

#3  In general, regardless of the context, a cry is an expression of anger. Screaming frightens children and makes them feel insecure .

If yelling is accompanied by offensive remarks and derogatory remarks, it may qualify as emotional abuse . Therefore, no matter how the children behave, it is important to try to control yourself, remain calm and not scream. Children need to feel that you love and accept them despite their bad behavior.

What Happens When You Don't Yell at Children

When children feel unconditional love, acceptance, and security, their emotional closeness with their parents increases. And there are fewer situations when you have to shout at them.

Love works better than fear.

In favorable conditions, children begin to better perceive what they are told and respond more positively to the words of their parents.

What to do if you feel like you're about to start yelling at your kids

1. Take a timeout

You are irritated, frustrated, your heart is pounding, and your rage is looking for an outlet. It is important to have time to catch the moment when another moment - and your anger will fall on the children. Give yourself the opportunity to calm down: stop, take a few deep breaths, think about the situation and continue talking to the children firmly, calmly, without shouting.  

2. Explain to the children how you feel

All emotions, from joy and delight to sadness and anger , matter and are worthy of discussion. When you openly talk about your feelings, it helps children understand that their own feelings are normal, there is nothing unacceptable in them. If you are upset, say so directly, explain to the children what their actions upset you and why. This will make them realize that it is time to stop.

3. Keep your presence of mind

Children often behave badly - such is life, nothing can be done about it. This is how they learn and experience the world. So just sit down so that you are at the level of children's eyes, and in a calm, firm tone, explain to them in a language they understand that their behavior is unacceptable.

4. No threats

Threats, insults and total punishment for bad behavior cause the child to feel resentment, anger, indignation at injustice. This behavior of parents humiliates and hurts children. The negative psychological trail of such educational practices can make itself felt throughout life. A grown-up child will think: “Even if my mother thinks that I am a nonentity , then what to say about the rest.”

Therefore, follow an important rule: any unpleasant consequences for the child should be directly related only to a specific wrong act. This will help the little person make the right choice next time.