We asked our columnist Fyodor Petunin to tell him how to hint to him that he would like to go to the registry office. Send an application to the State Services or just talk? Here's what we learned.
What if you are a beautiful goddess who is ready to make some dork happy, and this cattle does not understand that it is time to fall on your knee, present a ring and allocate your annual income to organize a wedding? I insisted that the title be like this, but these editors again did it their own way.
Anyway.
If you have been dreaming of a wedding day, an engagement ring and a snow-white dress with a veil since childhood, know that men did not have this.
And it's not that the groom is not supposed to wear a dress at the wedding ceremony. It’s just that somehow it’s not customary to introduce boys into their heads that the main goal of their life is to form a full-fledged cell of society as soon as possible, so as not worse than that of their friends. Instead, they have other priorities: a career, an apartment/car/dacha, a diamond league in World of Tanks, well-developed quadriceps, and so on.
We will not deal with these remnants of patriarchy here, let's better try to understand how to painlessly join female and male ideas about a brighter future.
Experience shows that about half of the men simply do not think about the fact that it would be time to look after the engagement ring. Not because he is cunningly planning to cheat and abandon the current lady of the heart or knows that engagement rings were invented in the century before last by the De Beers company , when faced with a drop in demand for diamonds. But because everything suits them: the beloved girl is nearby, the basic needs (domestic, emotional, sexual), let's say, are closed, what more could you want?
With such instances, it is best to sit down and talk.
Do not make vague hints about how white suits you, and do not emit languid sighs at the window of a jewelry store - most men simply do not understand such hints. It’s better to say directly that it’s time to formalize the relationship.
Not romantic, you say? I'm afraid sometimes you have to make sacrifices.
Just do not need to give your partner a hot reception from a gala dinner, lace underwear and a bed of love strewn with rose petals. If usually in the evening after work he is met by a plate of store-bought dumplings with mayonnaise, served with a fair portion of solemnity roast will immediately make him tense and convulsively remember the date of your anniversary: did he forget to buy a gift again?
It's better to ask simply and directly when he is going to propose.
Or what plans he has for family life. Or even so - whether he wants to formalize the relationship.
Of course, there are no guarantees that after such a question, your partner will slap his forehead and reach into the back drawer where he hid the wedding ring. But in any case, from his answer or even the reaction to the question itself, you will understand what he thinks about this.
The main thing, if you hear a firm no in response to the question about the desire to stop already living in sin and enter into a legal marriage, is not to make a scandal. You will always have time to shout, cry and break the plates, but while you have such a serious conversation, it’s better to find out from the man why the stamp in the passport will prevent him in his future happy life?
Maybe he is afraid to risk property? Well, how do you get him to exchange his parent's kopeck piece, and then chop off half of it in a divorce? Or, for example, your partner does not want children. Or not sure if you are the one. Of course, hearing all this is not very pleasant, but with this information, at least you will understand what to do next.
If he is one of the convinced ideological bachelors, of those who would rather eat their passport before the registry office, ask why he thinks so. Maybe it turns out that in childhood he experienced a difficult divorce of his parents. Or his older brother married so unsuccessfully that he turned away marriage with his example.
And here you already need to answer the question: do you need it?
To be not only a mistress in the kitchen and a whore in bed, but also a part-time psychoanalyst?
So after you listen to your partner, take the time to listen to yourself. Surely this man is worth the effort and compromise? No one but you can answer these questions for you.
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