We all really need attention from others, but in society this need is still considered something not very appropriate.

How to show more attention to loved ones and why it is so difficult

In the book “More than a wish” (Alpina Publisher), British psychologist Charlotte Fox Weber analyzes the most frequent requests from her clients. Many of their family or career problems are due to the fact that they do not realize their true dreams or are afraid of realizing them. One of Charlotte's topics of conversation is the need for attention.

Why we need attention but are afraid to admit it

Everyone needs attention: the healthy, and the sick, and adults, and children, and stars, and mere mortals. However, this need for society is stigmatized: attracting the eyes of others is considered something “abnormal” and even immoral.

Moreover: the one who openly shows emotions is “rejected” as a hysteric, egoist or brawler. Remember how in childhood, kids always ask their mother to look at them when they slide down a hill, build castles, or do a relatively new thing? This desire - to be noticed - does not really go anywhere over the years, we just learn to hide it and not express it directly.

An interesting paradox: those who especially clearly show their desire to be in the center of people and events, as a rule, do not know how to pay attention to others: the desire to be seen and heard is so great that they forget about the needs of others.

Naturally, focusing on one need also does not bode well. If any appearance of a person turns into a show, this can turn many away from him. Get distracted by work, hobbies, books (and become an interesting conversationalist, and not just a participant in a theatrical performance), so that you are characterized by more than one single desire to constantly be noticed.

To notice a person, to be attentive to him is both important and difficult.

How to pay more attention to loved ones

Attention to each other makes relationships stronger and makes you feel the taste of life: this is a manifestation of curiosity and a reminder that loved ones should not be taken for granted.

  • Show care. When we care about others, we are noticed, especially if we receive gratitude for our efforts. You, too, should not forget to thank others for their help and indifference.
  • Ask for attention directly and openly. Tell the one from whom you expect words, hugs or help directly about your desires - this is better than hinting, relying on the partner’s ability to read minds or suppress your need (and this threatens to result in global dissatisfaction with the relationship).
  • Practice mindfulness. It seems that the people we have known for a hundred years do not hide anything new, but in fact it is important to pay attention to details, to always show an interest in the needs and stories of loved ones.