Human life consists of numerous interactions with others. And each of us at least sometimes wondered how to avoid conflict with loved ones. It's not that easy, but everything is in your power.

How to avoid any conflict: 10 tips from a psychologist

1. Focus on problem solving

It is important to tune in to find a solution instead of looking for someone to blame. This will help you avoid anger and blaming other people. If you are interested in solving a problem, focus on a more constructive solution to the conflict situation. Therefore, if you do not know how to avoid conflicts in the family or at work, just try to tune in to solving the problem.

By solving it, you will forever close the risk of future conflicts. You can think through the arguments and conduct the dialogue consciously. It will also be a good idea to warn your opponent in advance that you plan to discuss the situation constructively instead of just continuing the quarrel . In this case, the other side will also have time to prepare their arguments, and you will be able to exchange your views.

2. Don't get personal

Can conflict be avoided? Unfortunately, in some situations it is not possible. But it is in your power to hold an argument with respect for the “rival”. The main rule in this case is not to get personal. This means that you do not insult the interlocutor, do not make fun of his position and do not question his experience.

Instead, it would be right to pay attention to the object of the dispute. Tell your opinion about the situation, give unemotional arguments - "dry" and proven facts. But be prepared for the fact that even if there is a respectful and constructive conversation between you, your opponent may perceive it negatively.

Some simply do not know how to accept arguments and arguments that "go against" their own opinion. In this case, it is likely that you will not be able to reach an agreement. But this is not a reason to be aggressive. It is better to simply close the topic, or one of the parties will have to give in to the other, contrary to their own opinion.

3. Learn to listen

It is important to be able to listen to the opinions of other people, even if it does not coincide with yours. At the same time, it is necessary to make them feel that their opinion is respected and matters. If people feel that their opinions are not respected, then the conversation is bound to turn negative.

Therefore, it will be great if you not only speak, but also pause to listen to the interlocutor's answer . Don't interrupt him and don't rush him. Try to keep a serious and calm expression on your face, even if you are overwhelmed by emotions during his answer.

4. Use "I-messages"

When talking about your feelings and needs, use "I-messages". For example: "I feel deceived when..." instead of: "You deceived me." That is, instead of accusations, you talk about your feelings. This approach helps to avoid attacks and reduce the irritability of the interlocutor.

And this method also allows you to get to know each other better, understand the cause of the quarrel and never return to it again. This method works great with loved ones. For example, if you do not know how to avoid conflict with your parents. Just help them see what's happening on your end. It will bring you closer and strengthen your relationship.

5. Understand someone else's point of view

Before starting a conflict discussion, try to understand the position of the other side. This will allow you to trace all aspects of the problem and find a more constructive solution. For this to work, you need to completely disengage from your opinion and think with an open mind. Put yourself in the place of your opponent. What does he feel? What does he know about the situation? Why is he wrong?

If you can't figure it out right away, it's best to go back to the point where you listen to each other's arguments. Usually, after we put ourselves in the place of another person, the conflict simply ends. Because we begin to understand his true motives and attitude to the situation, sympathize and respect his choice.

6. Avoid aggression

All advice on how to avoid conflicts comes down to one thing: your main enemy is your aggression. In most conflicts, the role of the villain is not played by the other side, but by your negative emotions . Therefore, it is important to remain calm.

Aggression only exacerbates the conflict situation. So if you feel like your anger is threatening to get out of control, try stepping back for a few minutes, take a deep breath, and try to relax. Then return to the conversation with a more relaxed attitude.

7. Do not use sarcasm and irony

In friendly disputes, jokes are quite appropriate, but if we have a serious conversation, then it is better to postpone the humor. Even if you think that a little irony can defuse the situation, it is better not to use it. A person in a stressful environment will not take a joke. Moreover, he may consider it an insult or disrespectful attitude on your part.

If you still decide to joke, do it as gently as possible. Do not affect the personality and position of the interlocutor. Even better, if your joke does not directly touch the subject of the dispute at all.

8. Accept your opponent's right to another position

None of us can be right in all matters. Therefore, if the other person does not agree with your opinion, this does not mean that he does not respect you. He just sees things differently. You just have to understand and accept it. In the same way, you have every right to your point of view.

And no one can make you think otherwise, even if you really want to. You can change your worldview after arguments that really convinced you. And if this did not happen, just tell the interlocutor: “Sorry, but I still think differently.”

You don't have to take sides at all. There can be no winner in any fight. The main thing is to convey to the opponent that you respect his point of view, but you yourself remain with your own. You can say out loud that this will not interfere with your friendship or good relationship. Such words will certainly smooth out the negative sediment from the quarrel.

9. Analyze the causes of the conflict

If you have the same conflict over and over again, then it's time to seriously think about its causes. It does not matter if you quarrel with a specific person or with different people. Perhaps the prerequisites are hidden in your behavior. For example, you begin to emotionally discuss a topic or offend others. And if your opponent is the same, try to understand your relationship.

When it is not possible to understand the reason on your own, you can discuss it with your opponent. Try to find out how it all started, who became the founder of the dispute. But remember: no "blind" accusations and aggression, only logic and facts. By understanding the reasons, you can quickly understand the situation and learn more about each other's feelings.

10. Don't accumulate resentment

Some of us have this habit: they remember old grievances. And from time to time in a new dialogue, we begin to recall old problems. This approach is a direct path to accusations and aggression. Even if you cannot forgive a situation to your partner or acquaintance, you should not mention it in the dialogue (unless, of course, the subject of the conversation does not directly relate to this situation). When you really want to talk about old grudges, make an "I-message."

For example: “I still worry about that situation. Let's talk about it." But these words should be said outside of some conflicts, and not in the heat of aggression when you quarreled over something else.

In conclusion: to avoid conflict, you need to understand that other people can be made up of opposing views and ideas. Therefore, it is not possible to completely abandon the disputes. But you can change your perception of the fight. Your task is to understand that an argument is not at all a way to take out the negative, but rather an opportunity to constructively discuss the problem. With this approach, you will learn how to properly live conflict situations and even benefit from them.