The difficulties of this period in one way or another affect all parents and their children. Even if a teenager does not do anything “terrible”, is not impudent and behaves quietly, this does not mean that the problems of adolescence have passed you by.
Be attentive to your child: perhaps he has driven experiences inside and can “explode” at any moment, like a time bomb. Our expert shared tips on improving relationships with a teenager.
1. A teenager is a separate person
Today, few people have not heard the word "separation" in the context of parent-child relationships. The child goes through several stages. And the more correctly this period proceeds, the less parents interfere with separating, the more mature and happy an adult a person becomes.
A teenager is a separate person. Let him still not know how to make money , he has less knowledge, skills, his future has not yet been determined. But this is a separate person with his own desires, dreams, characteristics. Parents often forget this. WITHAMy bright marker of violation of this rule is the word "we". An example of such a "merger": "We finished the quarter badly."From these words, a strong feeling that the child is a part of you. But it is not.
From the moment of birth, children come with their own abilities, inclinations, strength of character. It is important for parents to understand and accept this. After all, you want to see your child happy, don't you? Are you striving for him to grow up strong, talented, independent, happy, to take place in life? Then why are you angry and trying to forbid him to do his own thing? The sooner you admit it, learn to reckon with the opinion of a teenager, the easier it will be to find a common language. And this is important for building harmonious relationships.
2. Be an example
Children always copy the behavior of their parents, their actions. How often do you see a child "smoking" a stick because his father does the same? So it is with other things. In adolescence, school becomes more difficult, homework is more voluminous, the workload is greater. For many, the desire to communicate with peers or play is much stronger than the desire to study. In order to show the right actions by your example, it is advisable to devote time to work at home, no matter how paradoxical it may sound.
Look at the situation from the perspective of children. They study at school, and then there is a need to do homework at home , that is, to study again. And parents either have a rest, or do routine household chores. Of course, you are still working, only for a child it is not obvious. Therefore, his psyche cannot copy a model of working behavior from you. Even 30 minutes of labor a couple of times a week can make a big difference in how kids see you.
3. Remember the two roles - "parent" and "friend"
This does not mean that you need to switch between positions at different points in time. You are always in these two roles - friend and parent. Think about how you see friendships? How pleasant will it be for you if friends begin to interfere in your personal life, criticize, point out shortcomings, mistakes, mistakes?
You can safely transfer all these standards to relationships with children. The simplest example is personal space. Of course, not every child in our country has his own room, but many do. At the same time, parents do not allow the door to be closed, break in at any moment, can enter in the absence of the owner, touch things (albeit for the purpose of cleaning).
Imagine that relatives or friends come into your apartment and behave exactly the same way. Unpleasant? And the teenager is also angry and frustrated. It's much better to be respectful of personal boundaries. Especially when it comes to reading personal diaries, browsing the phone, computer , etc.
Always stop yourself if a teenager draws you into a fight, brings you to emotions - and now you yourself become the same conflicting child. But you have more experience! Do not turn into an aggressor: if emotions are overwhelmed, get out of the situation, cool down and think. And then try to enter into a dialogue with your most beloved child.
4. Just love your children
The easiest and at the same time the most difficult moment. Don't try to prove anything to your son or daughter. And even more so to show others that you are good parents. There is no need to be perfect, just being loving is enough. Children will appreciate it.
Remember that a teenager is a separate and at the same time a very vulnerable person. He has entered an age when he is no longer a child, but not yet an adult. Be attentive to his feelings, reactions, show by example a model of correct behavior and be open to dialogue.
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