Yulia Vladis, a clinical psychologist, business mentor for women, analyzed the origins of unhealthy relationships and told how to get off the emotional swing.
Love that was "sick"
Emotional swing is, in simple words, a game of “warm-cold”. It consists in the alternation of closeness and distance of one of the partners. With such manipulation , he or she can appeal to a loved one for years, luring, and then repelling him.
This strategy of behavior is typical for both men and women. Often it is used unconsciously, motivated by the fact that this is how sharpness appears in relationships. At the same time, a person may not understand that the “victim” suffers from his actions and becomes dependent on him. With every trick, every manipulation, she becomes more attached. That is why it is extremely difficult to get out of such relationships on your own.
How to understand the emotional swing - is it or not? Very simple.
Let's say you communicate with a person on a friendly note, but at some point you felt something more. You confessed your feelings to the object of love, and he turned on the “chamomile”: first he appears and bestows tenderness on you, and then disappears for several days without explanation or behaves aloof. Then everything repeats again.
Here we are clearly talking about manipulation: a tyrant (namely, this is how you can call a person who swings an emotional swing) likes to pull the victim by the strings. The victim, in turn, experiences incredible euphoria from rare encounters.
With each new manipulation, she falls in love more and more. Yes, these relationships bring her a lot of suffering, but they only set off the sweet moment of “love”. But is it love? If a man uses an emotional swing, then it is hardly possible to say that he treats you sincerely. Although it is quite possible that this is his normal strategy of behavior, and he simply does not know this.
How manipulation affects the victim
First of all, she develops auto-aggression . “A loved one disappeared without any explanation? So the problem is me! the victim begins to think. She tries to analyze her actions, blame herself for the toxic behavior of her partner. All this leads to the fact that at the moment of the next meeting with the tyrant, the victim will be ready for anything, if only he would no longer disappear. Personal boundaries, own desires and priorities - the victim forgets about all this. In contrast to separation, moments of intimacy become even more valuable for her. She literally melts in the arms of a tyrant, and he will definitely take advantage of this. In addition to disappearance, reproaches, accusations and even physical violence may be in his arsenal.
And what does the victim do in response? Of course, he starts blaming himself again. Thus, she gets more and more bogged down in a destructive union, falling into complete emotional dependence on a partner. Without a loved one, the white light becomes not nice to her: the victim lives from one fleeting flash of love to another.
Further - more: due to the inability to predict the further behavior of the tyrant, the victim may fall into an internal conflict. She begins to see the world as unpredictable. Every area of her life is out of control.
The manipulations used by tyrants can greatly destabilize the psyche of the victim and significantly undermine her mental health. That is why you need to get out of such relationships as quickly as possible.
Who is more likely to get into a toxic relationship?
Relationship manipulation techniques
1. Mythical hopes
2. Humiliation
3. Fear of parting
4. Wine
Causes of emotional buildup in love
- narcissism . Loving yourself is very important, but you can't turn it into a cult. Narcissists go to that extreme. They are warmed by the thought that for a partner they become the meaning of life. Their vanity exults from such relationships, and deep down they really value them: who else will allow them to amuse their ego like that ?!
- attempt to remake a partner. Many people live in the firm belief that it is possible to change a loved one. In an attempt to pull off this business, they can set off an emotional swing. Alternating between a stick and a carrot, they bend the partner, make him supple and weak-willed. And then they mold whatever they want out of it.
- lack of adrenaline . Tyrants and manipulators like to play "hot-cold": it "tickles" their feelings, and they do not even think about the suffering of a partner.
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