Anxious mother - grief in the family: how you yourself can ruin the life of your children

 Fortunately, the really bad things in life are rarer than in the minds of anxious mothers. However, the constant expectation of trouble and the desire to spread straws will play a cruel joke on children.

Anxious mother - grief in the family: how you yourself can ruin the life of your children

5 problems that await a child with an anxious mom

1. Basic security

Mom is the main guide in the life of a child. And if her mood barometer constantly shows a “storm warning”, then you can’t relax here. Expect trouble everywhere! Children, reading the emotional state of the most significant person for themselves, involuntarily become infected with it. They endure the feeling of instability, the unreliability of this world into adulthood.


There is reasonable security. Following it, we do not leave a mug of boiling water on the edge of the table and do not let the baby play with beads. But there are risks that one has to decide one day. Excessive parental control hinders cognitive and motor activity.


Risk is part of life, and parents need to allow their children to experience it. The child will definitely fall, and more than once: this is a normal stage of development - how else can he learn to control his body? A growing child needs to fall, use scissors, climb hills, trees and be proud that he does it on his own.


2. Self-confidence

We all sometimes want to "handle". But if a child has a latent feeling from infancy that it is safe in this life only in the arms of his mother, then he grows insecure. Often gets into dependent relationships. It is not uncommon to drift into anxious attachments and  abusive alliances .

But even if you do not look so much into the future, then problems with socialization are possible already at a very young age. An overprotective child who quickly changes into rubber boots at the hint of thunder is often a "legitimate" object of ridicule on the playground.

3. Decision making and learned helplessness

Acquired, or learned, helplessness is a common problem where the disturbing background is the refrain of life. The child stops doing anything, as it is pre-configured for a negative scenario, for failure. And this attitude is manifested in any, even the simplest cases.

He does not want to make decisions, because there is responsibility behind this. He is used to the fact that an anxious mother does not allow him such a luxury and she decides everything “as best”. Do you catch yourself thinking that you are doing just that? Repeat to yourself an important psychological truth more often: “When we take away a child’s choice, we close a thousand doors and possibilities for him.”

4. Perfectionist Syndrome

Often, a mother's anxiety is provoked by her constant experience - is she a good enough mother. Children easily mirror the judging pattern. And now a child is growing up with an obsessive desire to do everything exceptionally well.

He does not enjoy studying at school or anywhere else, because he only aims for the best result. What if something goes wrong and he gets a B? Falling from the pedestal of the ideal child is incredibly difficult and “painful”. What is the interest in the learning process. I would like to get a certificate sooner and stop worrying.

The self-esteem of a child with a “ perfectionist syndrome ” must constantly be fueled by praise and admiration from the outside. This makes life much more difficult. It is impossible to count on round-the-clock applause and literally beg for praise several times a day. We all remember that self-sufficiency is the basis of psychological health.

5. Psychosomatic illnesses

It is worth the child to sneeze, as the mother grabs her heart and takes "preventive measures." Getting your feet wet on a walk is akin to the end of the world in a single apartment. Each scratch is plentifully watered with an antiseptic.

Each symptom is Googled and (surprisingly!) can be a sign of some terrible disease. In response to such an overreaction and readiness for the “worst”, the child inevitably collects a bouquet of psychosomatic diseases. And with age, the usual age-related SARS, cultivated by an alarming environment, can develop into chronic diseases.

It also happens that a child, hoping for the attention of a parent, habitually looks for “terrible symptoms” later in life and finds what is characteristic (remember the all-powerful psychosomatics).

End of alarm: what to do

Parental anxiety is natural. It is so arranged by nature to provide conditions in which a child can survive in a period when he still knows almost nothing. But if a person experiences such a feeling all the time, this is already an alarming bell.

However, there is also a positive moment: once the problem has been noticed, then this is already a big step towards solving it.It is important to understand that the child himself must make certain mistakes and gain valuable experience, only in this case he will be able to form a whole personality.

Allow yourself to lower control and give both yourself and the child the right to make mistakes. And don't forget that thoughts materialize. Tune in to the positive - and then both you and your child will be fine.

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