Occupational therapist with many years of experience working with children, parents and teachers. I believe that our children are getting worse in many aspects.
I hear the same thing from every teacher I meet. As a professional therapist, I see a decline in social, emotional and academic activity in today's children and at the same time a sharp increase in the number of children with learning disabilities and other disabilities.
As we know, our brain is malleable. Thanks to the environment, we can make our brain "stronger" or "weaker". I sincerely believe that, despite our best intentions, we are sadly developing our children's brains in the wrong direction.
And that's why:
1. Children get whatever they want, when they want
"I'm hungry!" "I'll buy something to eat in a second." "I'm thirsty". "Here's the vending machine." "I'm bored!" "Take my phone."
The
ability to delay meeting your needs is one of the key factors for future success. We want to make our children happy, but unfortunately we only make them happy in the moment and unhappy in the long run.
The
ability to delay the satisfaction of your needs means the ability to function in a state of stress.
Our children gradually become less prepared to deal with even minor stressful situations, which eventually becomes a huge obstacle to their success in life.
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We often see children's inability to delay their desires in the classroom, malls, restaurants and toy stores when the child hears "no" because their parents have taught their brains to immediately get whatever they want.
2. Limited social interaction
We have a lot to do, so we give our kids gadgets to keep them busy too. Children used to play outside, where they developed their social skills in extreme conditions. Unfortunately, gadgets have replaced outdoor activities for children. In addition, technology has made parents less accessible to interact with their children.
A phone that “sits” with a child instead of us will not teach him to communicate. Most successful people have developed social skills. This is a priority!
The brain is like a muscle that learns and trains. If you want your child to be able to ride a bike, you teach him to ride. If you want a child to be able to wait, he must be taught patience. If you want your child to be able to communicate, you need to socialize him. The same applies to all other skills. There is no difference!
3. Endless fun
We have created an artificial world for our children. There is no boredom in it. As soon as the child calms down, we run to entertain him again, because otherwise it seems to us that we are not fulfilling our parental duty.
We live in two different worlds: they are in their "world of fun", and we are in another - in the "world of work".
Why don't children help us in the kitchen or laundry? Why don't they put away their toys?
This is simple monotonous work that trains the brain to function while performing boring duties. This is the same “muscle” that is required for schooling.
When children arrive at school and it's time to write, they respond, "I can't, it's too hard, too boring." Why? Because a workable “muscle” doesn’t train with endless fun. She only trains while she works.
4. Technology
Gadgets have become free babysitters for our children, but you have to pay for this help. We pay with our children's nervous system, their attention and the ability to delay the satisfaction of our desires. Everyday life is boring compared to virtual reality.
When children enter the classroom, they are confronted with human voices and adequate visual stimulation as opposed to the graphic explosions and special effects they are used to seeing on screens.
After hours of virtual reality, it becomes increasingly difficult for children to process information in the classroom because they are accustomed to the high level of stimulation that video games provide. Children are not able to process information with a lower level of stimulation and this negatively affects their ability to solve academic problems.
Technology also distances us emotionally from our children and our families. The emotional availability of parents is the main nutrient for the child's brain. Unfortunately, we are gradually depriving our children of this.
5. Children rule the world
. My son doesn't like vegetables." "She doesn't like going to bed early." "He doesn't like breakfast." "She doesn't like toys, but she's good with a tablet." "He doesn't want to dress himself." "She's too lazy to eat herself."
This is something I hear from parents all the time. Since when do children dictate to us how to raise them? If you leave it to them, all they will do is eat macaroni and cheese and cake, watch TV, play on the tablet, and they will never go to bed.
How do we help our children if we give them what they want, not what is good for them? Without proper nutrition and a good night's sleep, our children come to school irritable, anxious and inattentive. In addition, we are sending them the wrong message.
They learn that they can do whatever they want and not do what they don't want. They don't have a "must do" thing.
Unfortunately, in order to achieve our goals in life, we often need to do what is necessary and not what we want to do.
If a child wants to become a student, he needs to study. If he wants to be a football player, he needs to train every day.
Our children know what they want, but it is hard for them to do what is necessary to achieve this goal. This leads to unattainable goals and leaves children frustrated.
Train their brain!
You can train your child's brain and change his life so that he is successful socially, emotionally and academically.
Here's how:
1. Don't be afraid to set limits
Children need them to grow up happy and healthy.
- Make a schedule for meals, bedtime and time for gadgets.
“Think about what's good for the kids, not about what they want or don't want. Later they will thank you for it.
“Education is hard work. You have to be creative to get them to do what is good for them, even though most of the time it will be the complete opposite of what they want.
Children need breakfast and nutritious food. They need to walk outside and go to bed on time so that they can come to school ready to learn the next day.
Turn what they don't like to do into a fun, emotionally stimulating game.
2. Restrict Gadget Access and Restore Emotional Intimacy with Children
- Give them flowers, smile, tickle them, put a note in their backpack or under their pillow, surprise them by taking them out of school for lunch, dance together, crawl together, beat on pillows.
- Have family dinners, play board games, go for a ride together on bikes and walk with a flashlight in the evening.
3. Teach them to wait!
- Being bored is normal, this is the first step towards creativity.
- Gradually increase the waiting time between "I want" and "I get."
- Avoid using gadgets in the car and restaurants, and teach children to wait by talking or playing.
- Limit snacking.
4. Teach your child to do repetitive work from an early age as it is the basis for future performance
- Folding clothes, putting away toys, hanging clothes, unpacking groceries, making the bed.
- Be creative. Make these duties fun so that your brain associates them with something positive.
5. Teach them social skills
Teach them how to share, how to lose and win, how to praise others, how to say "thank you" and "please".
Based on my experience as a therapist, I can say that children change at the moment when parents change their approaches to parenting.
Help your kids succeed in life by educating and exercising their brains before it's too late.
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