Our expert Ekaterina Shik told us what envy is, what degrees it has, and how to eco-friendly transform it into a resource that can be used for implementation.
Envy of people: why it is not as scary as it seems
Most people are sure that envy is something very bad that eats us from the inside. Therefore, they try to bury this feeling deeper so that it cannot be found. A person begins to look for all possible ways to get rid of envy. Although it would be more productive to discover this feeling in yourself, identify it and begin to transform it into the realization of your desires, goals, intentions.
What is envy, really? This is when you want a certain thing, but so far it is not available to you. This feeling arises towards something that we do not yet have and, perhaps, will not have if we do not transform the emotion into a resource. If we talk about the object of envy, then at some point it starts to trigger us and cause controversial sensations.
Triggers are such “hooks”, bumps, roughness that we stumble over. Something that excites our consciousness and causes a surge of emotions in us. And this is the focus of our subconscious . Everything that triggers us is actually in ourselves. It's just hard for us to realize it, because we are stewing in our negativity at this moment. Yes, and it’s easier for the brain to blame someone, instead of looking deep into yourself.
That's why it's important at times like these to isolate our true needs from all these triggers: what we really want. For example, a man gives expensive gifts to your girlfriend, and you envy her. Speaking essentially, behind the envy here is not at all the desire for expensive “knick-knacks”, but the need to be loved, significant. For you at this moment, diamonds, trips, flowers are confirmation of this love. The logic is simple and animalistic.
When you understand this, the realization comes that envy can be not only black, absorbing from the inside. The global task is to identify this emotion and see a positive color in it. To turn these emotions into a resource of life.
Everyone has this feeling, although some may deny it. Quicker,this is an immature childish position when a person says that he never envy anyone.In fact, he hides in his shell and tries not to notice what is happening around him. This is easier than opening your eyes and starting to ask yourself the right questions, trying to isolate the construct from envy.
The feeling that we imbibe with mother's milk
The feeling we are talking about is formed in us from birth as an instrument of evolution. We can say that we absorb envy with mother's milk. It is formed with the first attachment to the breast.
Milk is the most sacred, most necessary product for a child in the first months of life, and he himself does not have it. He needs to demand milk with a cry. At the same time, when he takes food, he feels happiness and gratitude.
At such moments, the child cannot influence the desired object in any way and does not know exactly when the mother will share food with him. It is then that he develops envy towards a mother who has milk.
This is the first bell that we cannot drown out even as an ideal mother. This is a process that is inherent in our evolution. And that's okay. It turns out, if this emotion leads to development, then maybe it's not so bad and you should turn it into fuel for yourself, instead of fighting it?
After all, when we fight, we expend the maximum amount of energy, because we put maximum effort. At the same time, when a person is relaxed and performs targeted actions, instead of waving his arms and fighting with "windmills", the result comes to him in ease.
Three reasons to work through your envy
Reason #1: It's consuming our resource
When you envy a person, you direct all your energy and attention to him. At the same time, you simply do not have the strength and energy left for yourself, your desires and plans. You are like a de-energized electrical appliance that cannot shine.
Reason number 2: it "slows down" development
If you cannot identify envy in yourself and decipher what is really behind it, it is difficult for you to go into development. You do not see the vectors that your brain is trying to give you with the help of this feeling. As a result, you are stuck in place.
Reason number 3: she does not allow us to fulfill desires
When it consumes our consciousness, it is difficult for us to understand what you really want.If you do not make friends with your envy and do not identify what it is actually talking about, then you can never understand your true desires.
To fix this, you do not need to stop this emotion in yourself. Just try to transform it into your real need. After all, envy, in fact, highlights our true dreams.
4 degrees of envy
1. Denial
The moment when a person tries to hide in a house and assures that he does not envy anyone. This means only one thing, that he is not in contact with himself, because this emotion is an animal instinct that is inherent in everyone.
2. Hostile
This is the same black envy that borders on the desire to destroy everything. At the same time, a person wants to destroy someone's life, someone's reality. He can do it actively, with his own hands, or passively, with the help of other people, and as a result, his life is destroyed here. In fact, when you are hostile, you deny and block the very idea of being able to have what you want in reality. Think about what is more important - anger or your happy life?
3. I want exactly the same
This is already a more adult position, although at the same time we can begin to imitate a person, copy his life. At this moment, all our attention and all energy are directed towards him. We literally create a clone of our idol. It won't lead to anything good.
4. Accepting your emotions
The stage when we honestly accept all our emotions (even those that seem negative to us) and isolate our true need. At this stage, a person no longer asks himself the questions “how to stop envy” or “how to deal with envy”. He turns that feeling into fuel for success.
What can global envy lead to?
Sometimes a person is envious to such an extent that he begins to live the life of another. Completely switch to it. This can be expressed in total admiration, idealization or wild denial.
The key to getting rid of this envy is to recognize it.It is important to accept this emotion and ask yourself the question: “How can I get the same thing, but follow my own path?”The answer to this question will allow you to finally start living your life. Every time you look at a person and admire or, conversely, criticize him, you need to consciously slow yourself down.
The best way to stop pouring your energy on another person and start shaping your reality is to finally get on with your life. This is the answer to the question "how to stop envying and comparing."
See each person you envy as a compass of where you want to go and as an expander of consciousness. As a way to make yourself and your reality multiple times better.
How to stop being jealous and move on with your life
You may have a completely logical question: how to stop envying other people.
1. Feel where your resource is going
When we are envious, we direct our attention to the other person, instead of directing energy to ourselves and our realization.
2. You need to identify and acknowledge all your emotions.
No need to sprinkle them with earth, assuring everyone and everything that you never envied anyone.
3. Realize the true need behind this feeling
It is also important to internally thank the person you envy for showing how you can live, what to have, and thereby expanding your horizon. Be sure to ask yourself the right questions when you catch yourself feeling annoyed or angry towards others. Ask yourself how else can you make it better.
Envy is a beacon that helps you get in tune with yourself. Understand what you really want. If you see something in someone that you don’t have, but that you really want, then you can quite achieve it. It is impossible to get rid of this feeling, you just need to prevent it from growing outward so that it does not absorb your energy. Well, direct it to the realization of its potential.
How to turn your emotions into a resource
You can continue to view envy as something terrible, or you can see it as a life lesson. Do it in such a way as to get the maximum constructive out of it. You can turn this emotion into a tool to fulfill your own desires.
It helps to change your life, grow and develop. It appears in us almost from the first breath, and it depends only on you and your actions how envy will turn out for you. Remember that we paint all the events in our life in black or white on our own.
So do not be afraid to envy, but translate this feeling into admiration and acceptance. And only then take certain steps in your development. Then envy as such will stop bothering you, because all your focus, your energy will shift to your desired life. At this moment, envy will turn from a black absorbing hole into a green light of the New Reality.
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