How many people do you know who took the other's point of view in an emotional skirmish to the point of squabbling? Everyone argues to win and prove their superiority and rightness. Perhaps not even to you, but to yourself or your environment.
During disputes, it is important for us, by all means, to convey our position to the other side, and often we spend our resource on this - emotional, and sometimes material. No one will give you back the time spent both on the dispute itself and on recovering to a normal psycho-emotional state after it.
Do you know whatthere are people who argue simply because they are energized by the annoyance of other people? Not all of them are skillful manipulators, but someone else's negativity and impotence elevate them in their eyes, their mood rises, they form a fund of victories with which they feed their self-esteem .
One way or another, any dispute always provokes the awakening of the dark aspects of your personality, even if initially you are the kindest and sweetest person in the entire universe. Psychologists call these dark aspects "Shadow".
There is a conscious personality - moral and pleasant, for oneself and others, controlled by the free will of its owner. But the "Shadow" usually manifests itself, at the most inopportune moments and always under the influence of emotions. Scientifically, this is called "affects". At such a moment, a person is not capable of moral judgments.
Here are top 5 tips for keeping a cool head during arguments and avoiding insults.
1. Control your emotions
Firstly, the meeting with the “Shadow”, although not painless, always has practical benefits - this is how you get to know yourself and can draw conclusions for the future. But always remember: you are her mistress, not she is yours. That's why in any situation, try to keep a sober mind and give an account of your words and actions! Think ahead.
2. Define your goals
In a state of "cold head" ask yourself: "Why are you arguing? What do you want to achieve as a result? Define your goal. And after that, evaluate, the argument is whether this is the right tool to achieve it? Maybe there is a shorter and safer way?
3. Listen to your opponent
Try to understand why he or she releases their demon at this moment? Why does he give his will to emotions? After all, this "Kraken" comes to the surface against the will of your opponent, under the influence of affects. Why did this dispute cause such involvement of the side that opened the gates for the dark aspects?
Situations are different just like yours - try to understand it. Perhaps the topic of the dispute is very significant for your opponent. The opponent can express this importance through raised tones, tears and active gestures.
In this case, I advise you to remember your goal, then you yourself will understand what to do. Or maybe excessive emotions are caused by impotence or fatigue. Then it’s worth showing empathy , sympathy and pity (this is a good feeling that is adjacent to love and has nothing to do with the adjective “pathetic”, no matter how much your demon would like it).
There are negative aspects when a person gets emotional from a lack of intelligence. The words are over. The tactic is the same - to understand.
4. end the dispute
There are several tactics to end an argument without feeling humiliated. According to one of them, you can fail the discussion. In other words, understand and realize that a person is arguing with himself. In an argument, people's reactions are predictable, just try to react differently. You can even agree with your opponent if it's not important for you.
And if it is important, how can the opinion of another person affect your beliefs? This argument just doesn't make sense, don't waste your time! You can become that irreconcilable debater, from whom all opponents will run away. It can even be fun and rewarding if it helps you hone your skills in the profession.
5. Remember who is better not to argue with
There are times when it is better not to get involved in an argument. It's physically dangerous. Run without thinking about your reputation or self-worth . Health and life are more important. Do not waste time arguing with people who are stronger than you physically and mentally.
Argue with caution with those who have an unstable emotional background, they are often unpredictable. Especially if both characteristics are applicable to the same person. So it's better to lose face than head. Get out and don't get involved!
You have something to do, and remember - you are responsible for yourself to your family and loved ones.
And finally - according to scientists, despite the fact that our “Shadows” cannot be controlled by the will and are called dark sides, their dance does not always give negative results. Sometimes this gives rise to a special type of love at first sight. But this is an exception and a great plot for a movie and a book, not the rule. And everything written above does not cancel at all! Although I would like to.
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