“Yes, it’s not easy with me,” you say to your friends, but you yourself can’t understand why men don’t get along with you. Let's try to figure it out together with the psychoanalyst Alena Malyuta.

Everyone is running, running, running: how to understand why men don’t get along with you

What do men want

If you want men to get along with you, you must first of all create favorable conditions for living together and understand what a man wants from these relationships. And The rules from the area “men need only one thing” or “the way to his heart lies through the stomach” do not work. Everything is much more complicated.

What does a man want from communication with a woman? First of all, understanding that:

  • he is loved and expected at home;
  • need it;
  • he will find support and approval from you;
  • At home, he can relax and unwind.

But notice what a man often gets when he comes home. Of course, men do not like it when they endure the brain through claims, quarrels, tears, tantrums, fits of jealousy . Or, for example, they arrange a “silent woman” or deprive them of sex. Surprisingly, most girls do just that.

What adult would tolerate this kind of treatment? And why should he tolerate anything at all? After all the second half should give joy and happiness, and not be a source of evil. If you have noticed such “alarm bells”, then it is clearly time to reconsider your behavior. After all, most likely, it is precisely this that is the reason why they do not get along with you.

let him be a man

Very often, relationship problems begin when a woman decides to be in charge, that is, "puts on men's pants." It is this behavior that often causes the end of a relationship. As much as you want to take the lead, make decisions, and be strong, it's best left to your lover.

These roles were not in vain laid down through many generations: a man must know that he is needed. And if you yourself can do everything that makes him a man, then his role is called into question. It is not always easy for men to start showing those very qualities. Sometimes we have to "activate" them.

Here it is very important to feel the difference between activation and provocation. Removal of the brain, claims and jealousy is a provocation. Provocation  is one of the most common reasons why men do not get along with you. At the same time, your behavior forces the man to defend himself, and the woman herself takes the role of the aggressor. Protection from aggression takes away strength from a man and devastates him morally. If your man is not a masochist, he will soon get tired of it, and he will run away from you.

Therefore, it is very important to watch what and how you say and do. Asking to fix the socket, resolving the issue with noisy neighbors, helping to take the pet to the veterinarian - this is an activation for the manifestation of masculine qualities. At the same time, the woman shows weakness, seeks support and help.

As practice shows, a man intuitively reaches out to the woman with whom he feels more strong. The main thing is not to overdo it. After all, if you reminded your husband about a broken outlet 20 times a day, then this is more likely to fit under the manipulation section.

Should quarrels be avoided?

Oddly enough, feelings do not end because of disputes. Disputes and disagreements are an indicator of a living relationship. If a couple has no disagreements, this only means that only one person always makes decisions, and the second has taken the position of “do as you want”. Such indifference never leads to good things. This means that arguments are essential in any healthy relationship.

Disagreements and disputes develop relationships, make them interesting, and also allow partners to get to know and understand each other better. The main thing is that there are not too many of them and that they do not turn into frank "fighting". If you notice that you often clash, or you take it out on your partner, try to reconsider your behavior during a quarrel.

A few tips on how to behave during an argument so as not to develop a conflict:

  • Start from the main. Tell your partner your point of view, citing dry facts.
  • Speak only about yourself and on your own behalf, do not decide for a man.
  • Try to remove the emotional charge from what was said as much as possible. Talk about your feelings if the situation requires it. Examples: “it hurt me to hear how ...”, “I wanted to cry ...”.
  • Share your feelings so that your partner can understand you better. Speak directly and frankly what you expect from a partner in this situation. Most men do not understand hints and do not always know how to behave. For example: “I needed you to come...”, “just listen to me...”.
  • And of course, a woman should listen in response to everything her partner has to say. Moreover, try to make an effort and understand the position of the other. Don't interrupt the man, don't raise your tone, don't get personal. If he is well brought up, he will answer you with the same mutual respect.

Refusal to manipulate

Once you understand that nagging, jealousy, and punishing a man by refusing intimacy are dishonest manipulation techniques, your life together will change. And for this you will have to choose a different type of relationship. Who are the real manipulators ? These are people who do not trust themselves or others. They believe that the only way to get what they want is through blackmail and use their tools. Still and often mistakenly taking it for "female cunning".

Manipulation has one goal - to draw attention to oneself through the imposition of feelings of inferiority or guilt. And worst of all, when the closest and dearest person acts as a manipulator. Such moments can break even the most callous male heart. You don't have to do that.

What to do if you notice a tendency to manipulate? Try to resolve all issues through dialogue, and also take care not only of your opinion, but also of the desires of your partner.

About the lack of attention

Lack of attention from a partner is perhaps the most common cause of conflict in a relationship. And he, too, can easily become the reason why partners do not get along with you. Moreover, attention may not be enough for both a woman and a man. But if men usually react to this with a cold detachment, then women more often begin to “add fuel to the fire”, sorting out the relationship. And here the solution of the problem is also achieved through dialogue.

If attention is not enough for a man, then be sure to ask him about it. Is he bored? Perhaps he wants to see each other more often or diversify your leisure time? If attention is not enough for you, the situation will be more difficult to resolve. But you still need to talk. And here, too, it is worth following the rules of a good argument: speak to the point and without emotions, name your feelings.

Do not go on to accusations, just let the man understand that you miss his warmth and care. In the end, take the initiative in your own hands. You can offer your partner options for an interesting pastime. This will fill your life with new, joint impressions and bring you even closer.. Most importantly, take into account not only your interests, but also the hobbies of your lover.Moreover, now you know how to behave correctly in order to keep the attention and love of a man.