They say that friends are known in trouble. Well, this is a very fair statement. It's easy to be friends and hang out with a happy person. But what to do if this very person suddenly falls into melancholy and now constantly cries from the fact that he has parted with his beloved? In no case will we beat this guy, but we must help our friend.
Ending inappropriate relationships is an integral part of our lives. Not everyone is lucky to meet their love at a young age and then live with her until old age - as a rule, before a girl finds “her” man, she has to part with several “not hers”.
However, at a time when the door slams behind someone who was close yesterday, we rarely think that this is for the best, but we feel disappointment, resentment and pain. The length of this difficult period is different for everyone, but people do not have to go through it alone.
Has your friend been dumped, or has she had a hard time ending a toxic relationship ? Show her your support with our advice.
1 Choose your words carefully
At school, we took many important subjects, but, alas, they forgot to teach us a very useful skill - how to support a loved one in difficult times. Because we don’t know what to say to help someone get through a difficult breakup, it is not uncommon for us to exacerbate the situation with inappropriate or annoying language instead of helping.
“Everything will be fine” is a classic example of an “encouraging” but empty phrase that is often said to a person in difficult times that it starts to infuriate.
Negative emotions are a normal part of a breakup, not a problem to be solved, so don't say phrases like “You're better off without him,” as this is unlikely to help minimize your friend’s grief. Instead, show empathy and compassion. Admit her pain, and also express hope that things will get better in the future. Here's what you can try to say:
“I'm so sorry that you have to feel all this now. But I sincerely believe that something exciting is in store for you soon. "
2 Embrace her desire to be alone
We all experience difficult times in different ways. It is possible that your friend will want to stop communicating with other people, including you, for a while.
Respectfully accept her decision and invite her to use this break to the benefit of doing something that will help speed up the recovery process, such as meditation, one-to-one therapy, or volunteering.
3 Offer your help
In this challenging moment, sometimes it is better to offer tangible help than to simply ask, "What can I do?" How exactly can you help your friend after a painful breakup? Suggest that she block her ex on social media.
A 2015 study published in Information, Communication and Society found that viewing ex-related content on Facebook, be it new posts or old photos, greatly increased people's suffering after a breakup.
Take your friend's phone (with her permission) and press the lock button in all of her accounts if she feels that she cannot do it herself - such a small act can be very significant and important help on your part.
4 Listen to your friend without speaking badly about her ex
Yes, we understand: you are angry with this guy for hurting your girlfriend. However, try to avoid negative comments about her ex. Remember that your task is to support a loved one, and not to attack someone else.
There can be drawbacks to talking blaming your ex, even if it makes you or your girlfriend feel better in the moment: A 2011 study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that the happier the relationship was, the the break actually was easier.
It sounds unexpected, but it really is. After the breakup, people also felt unwell, but their overall life satisfaction did not drop. So focusing on the good things in an ended relationship - or at least not highlighting the bad ones - can help your friend adjust to life without them.
5 Open your house for her
If you live nearby, let her know that your house is open to her so she can come and blow off steam when needed. This invitation is a way to counteract the feelings of loneliness or abandonment that people often feel after breaking up.
If she needs a couch to sleep in, or just doesn't want to spend the evening alone, you can also make it clear that she is not intrusive. Sure, you have to set boundaries that work for you (and the people you live with), but being able to have a place where she can run away can give a friend a lot of support.
6 Offer her to have fun (but no alcohol)
The idea of “celebrating” a breakup with a booze may sound tempting, but it is usually counterproductive. Yes, alcohol can numb the pain for a short time, but then it will exacerbate the sadness and sadness, which will only worsen your friend's condition.
Instead, invite her to do something fun and endorphin-inducing together - from going to the pool to a yoga session or making a delicious cake - there are tons of options to help your loved one get away from sad thoughts and have a good time.
7 Do what she once did for you
Not sure how to help your girlfriend get over a breakup? Think of the times when she helped you during really difficult times - this can be a guide to what kind of support she will value most.
Think about your friend's personality and what she has mentioned or done to support you or others. If she cooked you food when you were very depressed, come to her with homemade pizza; if she likes something random more, then buy her the most unusual coffee or a balloon - whatever, if only she would smile and cheer up a little.
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