How to end a quarrel in your favor: universal rules for any conflict

 Everyone knows how to find a reason for a conflict, but not everyone knows how to competently end it and emerge victorious. Do you need to have a certain amount of patience and the skill of controlling your emotions for this, or is it enough to simply understand the psychology of disagreements - the psychologist will tell you.

How to end a quarrel in your favor: universal rules for any conflict

The role of projections in conflicts

A fluffy, incomprehensible object stands in front of the child. For an adult it is a rabbit, for a scientist it is a mammal from the hare family, and for a fox it is food. The way you see the world is not the same as it is for others. We perceive everything subjectively and react to various circumstances, focusing on our unique experience. For this reasonit is very difficult to understand what your opponent is really thinking and feeling during an argument.


When someone yells at you, you can either close and leave, or show aggression in response. Everything is individual and not always predictable.


Some transmit their emotions and feelings in words, for someone you can count them by facial expressions and gestures, but the fact that all this will turn out to be true is far from a fact. A person can lie to us on purpose or accidentally (sometimes the true reaction lies deep in the subconscious). But when we lack information, there is a sense of uncertainty. The brain tries to get rid of this and selects a comfortable option for getting out of the situation, one of them is projection.


Projection is when a person puts himself in the shoes of an opponent and assumes how he would do / act / respond himself, that is, transfers his own thoughts, feelings and emotions to other people. Conflicts often arise because of this mismatch between expectation and reality.


Types of projections and how to recognize them

The best strategy in conflict situations is not to get involved in conflict situations. To make it so, we will analyze what projections are and how to find them.

The most common are the following: ⠀

Catharsis projection

Surely you have at least once heard this phrase: "We are enraged in others by what we do not like about ourselves." ANDwe really often ascribe to others, those traits that we do not want to recognize in ourselves.

Example: You are trying to get rid of your disorder - you cannot stand random and disorderly people.

Mirror projection

"On their own people are not judged." But we know that it is not so.

Example: “I go to a book club and therefore I am a versatile person. I see that you also go to a similar community, which means that you are also a person with a broad outlook. "

How to recognize a projection

  1. Absurdity. Have you ever noticed this situation: you are just getting to know a new person , and he already seems disgusting and disgusting to you? But you didn't even have time to talk and there are no adequate reasons for this conclusion.
  2. Lack of input data. When you lack information about a person, remember that the brain does not like uncertainty and begins to fill these information voids on its own.
  3. Negative. Projection most often occurs precisely when we are uncomfortable or unpleasant in communicating with a person.
Be an explorer and try to notice situations in which you are using projections. This will help you get to know yourself better and avoid conflicts with others.

Conflict and emotions

Each of us was in a situation where, during an argument, you or your opponent lost your temper, raised your voice and began to aggressively defend your point of view. This verbal assault usually occurs with the aim of hurting the other's feelings and receiving recognition and / or emotional response in return.

Such a reaction never leads to an environmentally friendly way out of the situation, but only exacerbates it. How, then, to control emotions and react in times of conflict?

Exhale and take it easy

There are several ways to deal with your own negative emotions , butthe first step is always the same - to experience and breathe a moment of anger.

1. Take a break

It is almost impossible to immediately switch to analyzing a situation when you want to knock out your opponent. Warn your opponent that you want to "cool down" and return to the conversation after a while. Do something that calms you down - a walk, a book, a bath. And then do not forget to return to the party to the dispute in order to calmly resolve everything.

2. Accumulate a dose of endorphins

Running, pilates, cleaning or dancing - any physical activity will help bring back a state of calm and look at the problem from a different angle.

3. Write what is in your heart

Do this for every emotion and every experience. Give this process as much time as you need. This technique will help you relax and see what was previously unnoticed.

A state of calmness helps you to correctly analyze the situation and then choose the correct strategy of action.

Universal rules for any conflict

If the dispute is not caused by the rudeness of the interlocutor, but by a common misunderstanding, follow the following rules for getting out of the conflict:

  • Give the interlocutor the opportunity to speak
  • Show that everything he says matters to you
  • Suggest to solve this controversial situation together
  • Be tactful. If your interlocutor is 100% wrong, do not tell him about it directly.
  • Show respect, watch your intonation.
  • Be honest and sustainable
  • Don't look for the guilty
  • Broadcast your strength and confidence

If the initiator of the dispute is the aggressor and the boor

If you are experiencing emotional pressure, manipulation, and abuse, follow these 5 strategies to get out of the situation:

Strategy 1. "Calm"

Express your opinion honestly and openly, but try to speak calmly, politely and kindly.

Don't try to defend yourself. Provocateurs feed on your reaction, so don't get caught up in the manipulator's traps.

Strategy 2. "Psychological Aikido"

Agree with any criticism of your opponent. Very soon it will reach the point of absurdity, he will not stand your indifference and will leave.

Strategy 3. "Humor"

Laughter not only prolongs life, but can also change the entire atmosphere of a situation. At the moment when the opponent is drawing air into his lungs in order to express some negative in your direction, joke to knock down the mood and change the outcome of the conflict.

Strategy 4. "Caring for the hedgehog"

Most of the aggressors are people with low self-esteem. They mask all their fears under their best skill - rudeness and rudeness. And this “hedgehog care” strategy is just right for them.

Give in and allow the abuser to "win" the game. Have pity, support and make up your mind. In this case, he will soften, hide the thorns, and there will be peace.

Strategy 5. "Ignoring"

There is nothing more beautiful than silence. Use it if you are not ready to come into conflict with your opponent and if you do not need anything from him.

Show no emotion and keep going about your business. Any attempts on the part of the interlocutor to express something in your direction will end in disappointment. It won't last long, and the opponent will simply leave.

Before deciding what to do in a given situation, do not forget to assess the situation and the global meaning of the whole dispute. Not all conflicts are worth paying attention to. In any case, keep calm and remember the projection. And if there is an opportunity not to participate in the conflict, grab it and leave.

Post a Comment

0 Comments

close