So attracted to bad boys, rude, hooligan, rebels? But you want to find a calm, good person, but it just doesn't work out. Why it happens? Is this something wrong with you? Or with men?

5 reasons why you choose bad guys (psychologist answers)

Why do great women choose men who mistreat them? Smart, successful, loving people give 110% to their partner, but he, in turn, is not worthy of one of these qualities. Why is it that women love bad guys? There is some basic psychology at play here, and the more you learn about the inner workings of the mind, the more correct choices you will make. We've compiled a list of 5 reasons why you actually choose the bad guys.

1. Physiology

Science, and evolutionary biology in particular, explains in part why bad guys can be so attractive. Research shows that women are more attracted to men in the middle of their menstrual cycle , when they are most fertile. Men with very “brutal” physical traits may have higher quality genes, so this may be attractive to women on an unconscious evolutionary level.

2. The bad guys relieve us of the pressure of the good girls

Girls have a number of challenging personality traits, such as rebelliousness. The gender social constructor shapes a woman as an agreeable, learning-able, calm person. As we grow older, we begin to form our own character traits that run counter to the "generally accepted norm." If a girl's inner life is inexpressible, she perceives the relationship with the “bad guy” as a way to indirectly express her inner rebel. In fact, we are attracted to those qualities of other people that we ourselves would like to have.

3. Emotional addiction and "forbidden"

The bad guy can be a welcome change in our daily routine. Especially if a woman is used to a monotonous scenario, these men may seem funny, interesting, new. For this reason, a woman turns a blind eye to obvious shortcomings, such as alcohol, drug addiction, convictions, criminal activity. Bad guys can seem like a taboo, which further increases their attractiveness. First, he provides adventure, rough sex, emotions, and then you yourself do not understand how this led to fights and domestic violence.

4. Search for protection

Women who feel beleaguered by threats often fall in love with tough guys with their disregard for social norms and their willingness to quickly convert frustration into hostility, threats, and aggression. They want someone tough enough to stand up to the world and fight back when needed. Of course, there will be no one to act as a human shield if this aggression turns back and gets in your way.

5. Desire to show feelings of care

It is a type of emotional attachment usually formed in adulthood due to childhood problems. Perhaps this is a problem of overprotection or, on the contrary, a lack of attention from the parents. By taking care of and saving a disabled man in a certain way, a woman compensates for the feeling of emotional attachment and strong intimacy. She considers it her duty, trying to discern a romantic in a brutal and aggressive man. Such women, in principle, romanticize the image of an asocial partner.

How to meet good

  1. Stop romanticizing antisociality. Think about what flaws might lie behind brutality and adventure. Think about whether such a man can be a normal family man, a good father.
  2. Don't hold on to toxic relationships . Try to assess them soberly. 
  3. Do not be afraid to take the first step towards the man you like. 
  4. Pay attention to the family of a potential chosen one - it must be complete, prosperous. 
  5. Do not stop believing that your "good" man will definitely meet you.